I closed my store a half hour early, hoping no customers would drop in, so I could be on time for the ceremony with the Taita, or shaman. I arrived by 7 to Vista Del Mar, the beautiful hillside B&B that was again the site of the ceremony. Unlike the earlier experience, the spacious poolside room was filled, and there would ultimately be 15 of us on this journey. The faces were familiar, 3 of us from the previous experience and a lot of other friends from the community.
After I created a comfortable space for myself with cushions, blankets and pillows, I settled in, noting that there was no evidence that the shaman was present. It was not long before our host announced that there would be a delay of at least two hours because the shaman and his party had run into travel delays and were still in Liberia, more than two hours away.
It was about 11:45 when I finally received my cup. The shaman did some extended chanting every time someone approached to drink, and I was number 13 in position out of the 15 of us. I dismissed any significance of that number and waited patiently for another half hour or so for the vine to have its effect. A few people started to vomit, and I was starting to feel a little sick inside. This time, I fasted two days and was hopeful that this would limit the severity of the sickness that is so much a part of the plant experience.
The affects started to come on, first in the form of geometric patterns, an intricate weave of sacred geometry. This was similar to my first experience, when it had been followed by visions of snakes. However, this new experience soon proved to be quite different from before. It appeared that I was seeing some form of extra terrestrial presence. I’m not talking about spaceships or aliens in any way that has been presented in the movies or popular culture. What I was seeing was different and essentially indescribable, and it was not friendly. It grew in intensity into what I can only describe as partly reptilian and partly like the strangest creatures from the bottom of the ocean, perhaps cross-bred with insects. These visions or hallucinations were very unpleasant and threatening.
Vomiting into my bucket had the affect of intensifying the experience. This was a bad trip and it kept getting worse. I tried to keep my eyes open as this helped keep away the monsters that were trying to engulf me. These visions were nothing like I had on my first experience, it seemed to be all bad, dangerous and profoundly threatening. I wanted it to be over, and I wanted help. There is no clear vision that I have of any coherence or form to what was threatening me, but in retrospect they were evil spirits of some ineffable nature. And it was just me, and I could not surrender to them, although it was taking every bit of strength I had. I remember wishing that I had a crucifix to arm and strengthen myself. It was around then that I had an insight about the nature of self. I was on my own, and I needed the integrity and strength to prevail against these unknown other-dimensional forces.
Prior to the session I spent time considering what my intention would be for this second ceremony. I wanted to understand better the nature of God and the spirit world, as I had expressed to the shaman on my first journey. ‘Be careful what you ask for’ was part of that first lesson, as the experience had been overwhelming. I wanted a watered-down version that I could remember and understand more clearly. But after a lot of thinking, I decided that I ultimately wanted to know more about myself. The lesson from the first experience is that God lies within.
The weird visions of creatures, or whatever they were, subsided or shifted, but not the dread, or the desire to come back to normality. I strongly resisted the urge to vomit, because I knew this would greatly intensify my hallucinations or visions. But this was not possible. I was able to find the strength to move out of the room to the poolside area, although just barely. Now, when I closed my eyes I no longer saw the horrific creatures, just blackness. I would open my eyes periodically to regain a sense of my surroundings, and help ground myself, but seemed to nod back and forth between blackness and sight. There were distortions to my vision, but not strong ones. Some of the geometrical patterns that had greeted me at the beginning of the trip appeared, like having a bad set of eyeglasses.
Before having the strength to rise, I felt the ground shake, like one of the many earthquake aftershocks we have experienced since our 7.6 earthquake last September. There also appeared to be some light, not at all bright, illuminating our room from the outside. This was all part of a surreal process that I remembered as part of the first experience a few weeks ago. I actually felt that the tremors were real, but after I had moved outside I felt several more, and concluded it was the ayahuasca. This was reminiscent of the first experience, when I felt ripped asunder and reborn, but now I just felt like I wanted it to stop.
As I sat outside struggling with this ordeal, a good friend, Ashley, asked if I was alright and if she could do anything to help. She brought me a towel. A while later she came back to check on me again. This time I asked if she could bring me my water bottle, I was not feeling up to the journey of 10 feet to fetch it myself. Although not easy, I was able to rise to my feet periodically, reaching inward for the strength and fortification to stand up to the possibly demonic forces that were assaulting me.
The intensity began to diminish, and I took a walk around the pool, still somewhat unsteady on my feet. It was a beautiful starlit sky with no moon. I was feeling quite a bit better at this point. I stopped where Ashley was situated on the pool deck, and thanked her for her care. We then started a conversation that was to bring the light and clarity that I needed.
Ashley is a talented and dedicated astrologist, and excellent jewelry maker as well. She has been coming to Nosara part time every year, beginning about 9 years ago, and I had not appreciated her wisdom before, although her charm and femininity is hard to resist. I described my experiences to her. It is part of the lead-up to Dec. 21, just four days away, and there is tremendous tumult and intensity during this time, she explained. What I have been experiencing is a tremendous purging of everything leading up to this event so that I can begin this new era without the baggage and detritus of my past. This is important work, and furthermore it is intensified because I am doing the work for others as well. We had a long and deep conversation, where she led me to an appreciation of the significance of the upcoming solstice as a time of great shift. Certainly this is a time of upheaval, where the Connecticut school shootings are just one of a series of horrific events. If my intention was to understand the world of spirit better, then perhaps it is not so surprising that I would encounter dark spirits rather than light spirits at this time, so close to the solstice when the sun is approaching its shortest appearance.
Ashley has suffered horrific personal ordeals recently, and she has come through it with greater strength. This was her lesson for me as well, that I am a warrior and that my work is not just about me but others as well. She said that the universe was giving her this information and I don’t feel that it would be wise to question it. During our conversation I was feeling steadily more grounded and well. I thanked her for giving meaning to my experience and we spent some time appreciating the stars above us.
I rose for a little more walking, and the shaman was tuning his guitar so I retook my original seat. I looked at my phone and it was 2:45. He sang some healing songs in Spanish and his indigenous language with his assistant playing some percussion on a rattle like instrument, and I tapped out some rhythm on my belly, giving my internal organs a nice massage. My bowels had been active, but were pretty stable at this point.
A number of people were requesting additional cups, because their experiences weren’t as deep as they wanted. Each of these cups was accompanied by rituals and ceremony, and then the Taita began individual healing ceremonies. These were quite extensive and involved much rattling of his dried leaf instrument, playing of his mouth harp, and laying his hand on the head. I was fourth up for this and eager for any healing that might be imparted. His ceremonies are customized and he asked me to take off my shirt so he could rub my back and arms with a liquid infused with aromatic herbs and perhaps a bit of rum or cane alcohol. I embraced him with gratitude and returned to my spot nearby, feeling quite comfortable.
I don’t think I fell asleep, and after awhile rose to walk by the pool. I heard some voices outside and there was the first faint light of dawn. It was about 5 and I laid down a little longer until stirring again a bit past 6 when others began to rise. It was a bit noisy and I wasn’t all that sleepy. I had been contemplating continuing my fast, so I passed on the oatmeal and fruit that our hostess had set out for us. I joined the people sitting at the table with their bowls. During the course of small talk, the shaman revealed that he had not had any fresh ayahuasca available, so had taken the remainder of an old batch and added water. Although I was hearing this through an incomplete translation, he said this had happened once before with a much larger group of people, and there were no problems with the strength, sort of like Jesus turning water into wine. It did make me wonder, though, if this might have been a factor in my experience with the evil spirits, along with the late start to the ceremony.
It is now Wednesday morning, Dec. 19, and I am at my house smoking barbecue. I am continuing my fast into its fourth day and I feel good, although didn’t exactly jump out of bed. After getting ribs, chickens, beef and tuna loaded into my bbq pit, I decided I would take a couple of puffs on my pipe. Part of me wanted to stay pure and another part wanted to do some processing with the aid of THC. Following my tokes, I then remembered the advice of a customer yesterday who recommended getting in the ocean as part of my cleansing process. I threw a massive log in the pit and headed off to the beach.
Arriving at the beach, there was the client with her child and another couple of women and children playing in the water. I thanked Amanda for her advice and proceeded out to play in some really big waves. There were lots of surfers out and conditions were great for those who could ride the waves. I contemplated my own failed attempt at becoming a surfer. I was feeling a lot of insights and mental clarity, and really enjoying myself in the water. While I try to get to the beach every morning for a walk and sometimes a run, I hardly ever get in the water to play with the waves. I resolve to spend more time in the water. I lost my stoke after an extended effort at surfing when I moved here five years ago, and while I don’t dwell on it, there’s a little part of me that regrets not having mastered surfing in my 50s. But it just wasn’t meant to be. But I can at least get out and body surf a few times a week, and I resolve that that will be something I do more of in the new era.
Returning to my casita, I check on the barbecue and take a couple of chickens off. I shower off in my outdoor shower and having neglected to bring out a towel, air dry myself in the waiting hammock.. I’m feeling very comfortable and getting lots of insights into my life and business, when I hear my name called.
It’s Jefferson, a man who makes pati, a Caribbean baked pastry filled with vegetables or meat, and banana bread. He works very hard just to get by, walking around in the heat peddling his products person to person. I buy his products to resell at my store, although it’s very little. I am happy to see him today and he is very happy to report that he is fully loaded with baked goods made for the first time with the oven that I am selling him. We brought it to his place Monday and he is excited that this will allow him to make much better money. I bought the used pizza oven at the beginning of the season and had been renting it to a talented baker who is the baker at Blue Spirit, the 160-room retreat center here. She bakes world class breads, cookies and granola and sells it on the side, and her cookies especially sell well in my store. But she no longer needed it as she was offered the use of the commercial oven at Blue Spirit for her side-business. I posted it for sale or rent, and while I had a couple of other inquiries, it was truly meant for Jefferson. He didn’t have the $500 cash that I needed to break even, so I worked out a financing plan for him. Once again, my previous career in banking has karmic ramifications. Since moving here I have made many small loans to people and most of the money has come back. It seems like I’ve been a non-profit Grameen Bank, and my sister even made me promise not to lend more money down here, because I’ve been such a soft touch, but I soon broke that promise. So once again I am playing banker, and feel optimistic that my new asset will give me a little profit. It feels like a win-win. I bought 8 pati, much larger than my usual order, and it occurred to me to put them in the smoker for a while to infuse them with a smoky flavor. I’ll find out if this was a synchronistic insight or just more product that gets stale in a few days.
I’ve been continuing to contemplate my experience of two nights ago. The motto ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ resonates, and I continue to feel gratitude to Ashley for helping me create the paradigm for my experience.