Sept. 27-Life with Jane

We snuggled in bed together the next morning, and I felt especially close and emotional. It was as intimate as we had been since Jane left Nosara back in August, and she would spend the rest of the morning packing for a three week trip to Italy, while I would head off to California in a few days.

Jane and I had our ups and downs over the past three years, to say the least. She resented my unilateral decision to move to Costa Rica, and although I came to realize the depth of that feeling, I had never had second thoughts and had remained steadfast in my determination to move forward. There had been continued flare-ups, or meltdowns, and at one point during the past Spring we reached a low point and had discussed how we would divide our lots and houses. At that point it seemed we were both at a tipping point where we were prepared to go in separate directions. Then Jane was off again with her travels, not to return until late June, several days before an early July yoga-surf retreat featuring a teacher, Amy, who had come to one of the New Year’s retreats.

I picked up Jane at the airport at Liberia, and the tentativeness of our reunion reflected the wariness and fatigue that had marked our relationship during her last stay, now months past. Nevertheless, we slowly warmed up to each other, and welcomed Amy into our home when she arrived a couple of days ahead of the group, which numbered only six people although I had expected Amy to be more successful in lining up more of her own yoga students.

Things seemed to be going well up to that point, which led to some overconfidence, and the mistake of inviting the group to our house for a welcome dinner that I would prepare. As I prepared the dinner, Jane’s anxiety began to flare up, and we exchanged some tense words over the way I was preparing the salad. This didn’t happen in front of our guests, but Jane later had a rude, or perhaps just very undiplomatic exchange with one of our guests. I was cleaning up and didn’t witness it, but after everyone left she became very emotional and upset, feeling she had been extremely insulting and hadn’t been able to control the words that came from her mouth. This led to an emotional meltdown, the most intense of the many I had seen over many years, and a night of sobbing inconsolably in my arms.

I felt, or hoped, that Jane would emerge from this catharsis and emerge renewed, but after crying all night she still seemed pretty despondent the next morning. She was very insistent that I apologize to the guy over breakfast for her rude and unprofessional demeanor. I don’t think he was too concerned about it, and the Pura Vida would surely smooth over any bruised feelings anyway. Jane regained her composure and finished the week strong. She said she appreciated my emotional support, and although it took her a day or two longer to bounce back than normal, I think it has been uphill for us ever since.

Back in DC, the banking news continued to get worse each day, with the nation’s attention focused at that time on the newly proposed $700 billion bailout plan. While I was no longer a spokesman or apologist for the industry, thank God once again, I was glued to the cable channels every chance I got. It was a confluence of Congressional politics and a consumer banking meltdown of historic proportions. I kept reminding myself of my good fortune at getting out ahead of this train wreck. Yet I wondered what it would be like if I were still a part of it. I had become used to bankers being vilified, but this was beyond anything imaginable.

In a way, I felt like I was sneaking out of town, and hoping no one would notice or catch me. After all, I had been part of a political and PR machine that had helped make the current mess possible. It was the build-up of enormous consumer debt - that largely coincided with my career - that was now collapsing and bringing the world economy with it. Oh well, nothing I can do about that. I mean, it wasn’t my fault, was it?